Fifteen dead paintbrushes and a drawing that hasn't been done yet.

Finally back in the studio. Its both exciting and terrifying. I have a very good feeling about this year, despite how much hard work it is going to take.

Photos were taken before leaving the studio on Friday. I had a fantastic weekend, catching up with old friends. I forgot how much fun I used to have with these people and hope we will make more of an effort to get together more often. It would be nice to think you don't have to outgrow all of your childhood friends.

I also spent time catching up with someone I hadn't seen in 4 days. It surprised me how much I grew to miss them within this time.

I'm going to head into the studio for a late night session tonight and will post more pictures of the happenings of it on my return.

comforting things

I have had so many little things to worry about lately that I have found myself quaking, actually quaking. The whole heart beating, mind wont rest, must get up in the middle of the night to pace around the room type of indirect fear.

Tonight, when I realised I was quaking, I decided to write a list of "Things I am Worried About". I started writing the list and my hand continued.
It picked up on so many little things I didn't think were that important, things that have collectively combined to form the quaking. I got to 16 bullet points which filled the page, but couldn't bear to turn it over to continue. One page of fear is quite enough for now. I will leave it and score things off when they no longer give me reason to worry.

I have spent a lot of this Summer watching the sun rise and set. I'm not sure why. It has just all of a sudden become something appealing to do. Something soothing, when all else is erratic and unsure the sun will always rise and set.

Life In A Day

Today I saw this film. It was nice.

My flatmate said it made her feel like she hasn't achieved enough with her life.

It made me feel like I haven't documented enough of mine. Not that I feel I have any great achievements to show. But that if you write, draw, film or photograph something everyday then it proves you've existed. You've done something. Anything. Even if its completely insignificant.

The sky outside is beginning to look like guilt.

I couldn't sleep.
It got to about 4am and I decided to go for a walk. I must have just missed the sunrise.

It still feels somewhat exciting, getting dressed to go for a secret early morning walk. As if I was sneaking out of my parents house.

But I'm not.

I live on my own now and no one will notice I'm not here.
There's not even any need to be quiet.
No one to wake.

The air feels new; untouched. Impossibly quiet.

I think about the making of 28 days later. When Danny Boyle closed off specific areas of London between the hours of 4 and 5am to film deserted, apocalyptic scenes.

Maybe everyone is dead?

It starts to feel more like a real day.
Cars becoming more frequent.

I find £20 on the ground on the way home.

Ecstatic.

Now I can buy milk.

Orange; development.

snozzcumbers

Pencil, poster paint and household paint on book cover.

easter

Ok, so Easter week off of uni actually did turn into Easter week off of uni. I have read none of the books I was supposed to read and made none of the drawings I had intended to. Instead I have been catching up with friends, drinking too much alcohol and vaguely trying to organise my belongings.

It has been nice.

Today was my brother's 18th birthday so I spent the day with family, eating too much food and looking at old photographs. (I also managed to snag a cheap dress while passing time before my bus. It makes me feel like I'm 6 again, in a totally good way.)

On Monday I can start feeling guilty.

detail

about today

Something has changed around here. And thus far it seems to be working. I will be seeing my tutor today. Hopefully he'll agree.