Superficial mindfuckery.

Ok, so I have failed at the creating stuff thing already. But I am in a foul mood and have too much to do today. I'm in the frame of mind suitable only for crawling into a ball under my desk and whimpering. But alas, I have not the time for that.

So I am going to gaze at these pictures of pleasant looking men to pick me up then I'll be on my way.

Good day.

the comforting lull of process and repitition

Today I attempted to organise my belongings in a bid to begin packing up my room. Which for me will be a rediculously slow process. But I got distracted and settled for playing with a roll of masking tape instead. (A la Pia Mannikko)

I think I have boycotted all things creativity-based for too long now. Its just making me more stressed.

I hereby make a vow to create something, anything, everyday. And to blog about it.

That'll keep me busy untill the glory of August..

Dear Book,

You have been nice. Thanks for hanging out with me for the past couple of weeks. It's been a blast. You've kept me company while I have waited for countless buses and saved me from being spoken to by a myriad of creepy individuals.

I really like you. I mean, I like everything about you. I wish we didn't have to say goodbye so soon.
You're so petite. You're the perfect size. 15.2 by 9.6 centimetres. Ideal for living in small handbags. Which is where you have been for the past few weeks. Thanks for that. I am apologetic for how the various pencils in that bag have treated you, they don't know any better, I hope you can understand.

I fell in love with Jessica Renton. She is enchanting. I feel for Burt. I wanted to be with him, sitting across from Jessica's house in the pouring rain, wearing heavy yellow raincoats all afternoon, watching all the people in black clothes leave. Just in case she needed something.

Thanks for reminding me what it feels like to not want to be a child anymore. For taking me back to the place where no one believes you, no one trusts you to make any sort of decision yourself and where privacy is obsolete.

More than anything I love that your footnotes teach me how to say incredibly useful phrases in German. I'm not entirely sure why you do that. Your author is American and therefore wrote you in English. I see no reason for you to have been translated into German then back to English, leaving behind vital tidbits of the German language. Regardless, I love you for giving me this joy. Thank you so much.

Mikhail Baryshnikov

.

Its like when you start to notice your hamster has been moping around a lot more lately. He walks a lot more slowly. His eyes are slightly more glazed over than normal and his fur is bushy and losing colour. When you received him you were more than aware that the average hamster lives no more than three years, but you ignored this fact.

All he wants to do is sleep.

You pretend you don't notice. You can't comprehend the unavoidable no matter how clear it is. You make an effort to take him out at least a few times a night, to compensate for all the times you shoved a pillow under his wheel while you were trying to sleep and he just wouldn't shut the fuck up. But he just doesn't want to run. No matter how much you both want him to, he just doesn't want to run.

Then comes the time when the obvious is unavoidable. He has been sitting in the corner of his cage for a few days, occasionally getting up for a drink of water then hobbling back to the same spot. You think about when he was healthy. Get teary about the good times spent. Sharing your digestives with him, teaching him how to climb the stairs. You even become nostalgic for the menial fall outs you had. When he escaped from his cage and you spent three hours turning the house upside down looking for him.

There is a knot in your stomach. You know its time. There is an emptiness there, a coldness. You feel the need to think over all the goodness. To black out the bad, now is not the time. You should give his furry little life the justice it so deserves.

He won't blink anymore.

i am free

i don't feel free.

J: Enjoy it while it lasts, Emma. Enjoy it while it lasts.


E: While what lasts?


J: Everything.

Things I will Do When Assessments Are Over:

• Plant vegetables in my garden.


• Finish painting my room.


• Stop eating crappily.


• See all the movies I have not been seeing.


• Work as much as possible in order to save as much money as possible.


• Go for lots of long walks.


• Dance. Hard.


• Catch up with all the people I am not caught up with.


• Buy new shoes.

Num num num.

what the last few weeks have looked like

How To Make a Dadaist Poem

every party should have confetti and a midnight kiss

things are slowly coming together.

order.

Oh, and check this out. This is a painting you made.
Remember when you used to make paintings?

No, neither do I.

MAKE MORE PAINTINGS, DAMMIT.

Still Life October 2009

Oil on Canvas

36"x24"